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10:10 

spoiled brain
molly?
molly wait
-what the..?
sit down and wait


fucking meow.yes,master
(ohhhhh,if you just knew how angry i was.but i need you,damn.i do-i do-i do)

22:26 

spoiled brain
i feel.
i love you,too,miracle

Elias will kill me.my bones and ass feel it very-very good.


but this life could be weird without problems
1.no fucking trips in august,ya cunts!i'm staying in fucking city the rest of the summer,learn it well,please.even if you wanna have a rest,do it fucking together please,without me!i am not going ANY_fucking_WHERE ANY_fucking_WAY
2.jealousy?oh come on! i am not somebody's property.nobody dares to tell me i'm unfaithful untill i marry this person.know what i mean?
up untill then it's not pleasant for me to know someone is jealousy
i'm not kidding.don't make me angry,i don't want to.especially cause of such bullshit

caramel,now i know what you meant when yelled at me then,huh.

19:21 

to the previous post

spoiled brain
1.i know,4 days is not so much,but still
sweet caramel

2.god,what an activity.
Elias,man,you're awesome,i dreamed to have a brother like you
just pity even you cannot make me feel better when he's gone

3.Ryan is cuuuuuuuuuuttie^^
he has very politic attitude and,i'll die when he comes here.i will thoroughly die from laughing

4.damn you ann jay,i am so tired to regret about being so rude with you,about that ignorance etc

so i run and hide,and tear myself up(c)

p.s.one guy fucked me up,seriously.we were good friends some time ago,but now he acts like he's grown up.making a silly lass from me.you just don't know you forgot how to listen to other ppl and not convince them to think like you do.is that your own fame or what?disappoint in me,come on,i don't care.everything you're saying is a bullshit,i mean it,trust me.
it's like Jared said 'look at the red,red changes in the sky'.just me silly didn't know i would start to notice everyone around changing and would feel some anger cause of that

p.s.2.she says you need me.she says you depend so much on me.make me feel it,don't hide,don't hide it so much

22:50 

two things

spoiled brain
1.where the hell are you?
don't disappear.you promised

2.one name-Elias
active,crazy,funny,nice psycho
and my brother...sheeeeeiiiiiiit i didn't know,but okay.he's cool..yeah^^

21:36 

spoiled brain

want to write something,but nothing to write in a while
feel myself goddamn weird.like it's not me.like it's somebody else
when will i relax?
gd,everything is fine.with m,with friends.even bunnies are coming soon.probably.
what's that called,ha?
conscience.
whywhywhywhywhy am i fucking ashamed of what's been done with angel?
why?
i shouldn't care.like she did when played with me
learn to act like he said.fucking learn to
'if somebody betrayed me or doesn't trust me-np,i get off'


13:11 

spoiled brain

one week in London.one fucking week.
i didn't like the city.at all.nothing much interesting and tremendous.
and besides i hate their acent...no matter that i saw and talked to about 3 or 4 native londoners.
i should have gone to la with kat and brandon.i should-fucking-have
it could be so much better.
because nobody knows how much i missed everyone.how much i wanted to back home.
nobody knows i was crying like a baby last 4 evenings there

i didn't know myself i depend on ppl so much.but most of all i missed you
i was sitting on damned oxford-this-is-such-a-famous-street-with-shops-we-have-to-go-there almost on the ground and cried while no one saw it
and now i'm back.see ppl that i wanted to see.but damn,i ddn't know i don't want to even know some ppl i used to be friends with.this is goddamn weird.
you have a bday today.but i'm not going.first of all.i'm still tired,secondly,i don't fucking want to see angel,to talk to her.
yes,i'm weak.i'm afraid i will forgive her or something.i don't want any dramas,scandals and so on.this friendship should...have to be over.i don't want to save it bringing my explainations and apologises.fuck it


22:02 

about ex-friend

spoiled brain

motherfucker.go kill yourself
you may think i betrayed you.i basically do not give a fuck
yes,i told her what you thought about her.she did what she needed to
i do not regret at all.
then you came to me with scandal.
yeah,really,how could i?i should have fell down on my knees and pray you about forgiven.uhuh,right
forget it.i don't trust you,i don't need you,i don't give a shit about you
you used me like a toy.so this is my revenge.
eat it,bitch


17:39 

spoiled brain
'just let you know i'm thinking about you every single minute.you should feel it'

14:34 

spoiled brain
oh my...sunshine.aren't you bored to check me like this?
we had this so many times
i lived without you for month,or even more
god,sunny,this is not interesting anymore.
so drop this fucking night clubs and remember that there's one person here waiting for your coming



with love,
your meomi.

21:36 

spoiled brain
it's fine?fine??finally?

after all the quarrels.
after you told me you love me,BUT not with this wide love
after you told me you love my friend.one of my best friends
after you asked me to help to stop loving her
after i tried and we all almost quarreled with each other
after you asked about forgiven.and almost broke my heart again
after i clued all the pieces together and gave it back to you

you have finally understood i love you?
you have finally understood i need you near?need your care?
that's why asking me to stay with you at nights?

but i still feel you love her.
yes,you do.you're jelous because she has chosen not you.
that's why asked me about those photoshoot.hah.
you know yourself this is the worst way to hurt me
but i will be fine.
i'll get used to be a friend you can fuck with

23:54 

spoiled brain

a week.
are you kidding me?
all i need is to hug you.just purr in your arms
shit.




13:46 

you mean more than the world may ever know

spoiled brain
third day without.
counting minutes.


yesterday i started to appreciate you even more than i did.
but i will never tell you why.
though you don't care where i am and with whom


-will you be with me?
pity you didn't hear my whisper in his ear - i love another one.so no.i'll never be with you.and by the way you're fucking drunk.

19:09 

spoiled brain
it is too simple,m

i just love you
you are just hurt on me again.

without any fucking reason.
because of damned authorization.unbelievable

18:46 

spoiled brain

"just friends.just talks.
imagine.i know about your feelings but i don't want you to tell me about it anymore.
something is gone"

okay.it is painful to me,but i did that to stay with you.practically did this for you.
though i heard a lot of new things.at least new to me.
though it was all lies.
though you just tried to find a reason to leave me.
though you promised you would not.

"-don't you understand i don't want you to go?

- sorry,but yes,i don't understand."

what for reasons if you just don't love me anymore
what for if there is no place in your heart for me
what for driving me crazy with this shit...?
because yes,i am depressed all the time.yes,because of you
what for this all?you just don't understand i can't let you go
though i know...mm..i guess i became useless for you
just go,damn,just go
go away and let me die here alone

yes,baby,i am not flirting,not telling you i love you,i am just hurt
but fuckdamn,talk to me! you wanted it yourself! then talk!
but instead of talks i get only ignorance
w o n d e r f u l

the relations are wrong in some way

20:48 

spoiled brain
here is me crying with the sky
and here is you telling me i'm forgiven
here is me finally finding words to tell you the truth
and here is you asking me if it was sincerelly
here is me trying to sleep
trying not to shake
trying not to be afraid to talk to you
because here is you still hurt,not believing and cold


damn,i love you,m. a n y w a y

21:36 

spoiled brain
i didn't forget about this diary.no way.

1 year and 2 months since yesterday.
but i haven't seen you for..a week?or more?
i am tired of saying i miss you.i know it.you know it,too.
i just don't understand if you ever missed me.if you ever loved me.
or all your love to me includes only fucking friendship.
when we both know we fucking want each other.when you cannot fight with your desire to...
when i know i need you.when you know that you will back anyway
and only hell knows why you come back all the time.
you need me?
i honestly do not know.
i only appreciate all these your first steps to me.
i only love when you come back to
ask me if i missed you.
when you come back after half an hour to hug me.
just to make me look at you
when you come back to promise to be my guardian angel.
to protect me from nightmares.

and i do not know what is next.
ijust know that i haven't enough words to discribe you.
and i haven't enough words to say who you are to me.to explain it even to myself

22:41 

spoiled brain
wwhy the hell we'd back everything?what for?
to quarrel again because i couldn't come to see you?
i guess i was wrong when i said i missed you.

scary to know you're changing a person.
very scary.
what if i start act like...you?

do something with me.
i miss you.
i thought you've become just a friend for me.my heart.finally.
wrong again.
i miss you.



'i'd rather feel pain than nothing at all'?

15:24 

spoiled brain

about the truth.

there are people who don't give a fuck at me.
there are people i don't give a fuck at.
there are people who i will not get hurt on for this.
but there are people killing me with their indiffrence.

weird that your best friend cares more than you.fuck.
again?i will not take it.i can't hold on anymore


20:46 

spoiled brain
NOW WHAT?

...but i'm losing hope
give me one reason not to...

16:59 

spoiled brain
Что я успел сделать. Ставлю плюсеги
- Предать человека +
- Украсть что-либо +
- Подружиться с человеком, которого вы прежде считали идиотом +
- Напиться до состояния беспамятства -(я почему-то всегда все помню.)
- Сказать "люблю" неискренне +
- Плакать от счастья +
- Забыть на мгновенье имя лучшего друга (подруги) +
- Прокатиться на лошади самостоятельно -
- Взять в долг очень крупную сумму -
- Захотеть умереть +
- Полюбить человека больше всего на свете +
- Гулять ночью по лесу одному -
- Завязать галстук на шее молодого человека -
- Почувствовать себя абсолютно неадекватным +
- Поносить ругательными словами (про себя) кого-то из родственников +
- Продать свое тело за деньги -
- Ударить незнакомого человека -
- Подделать чью-либо подпись +
- Потерять чужую вещь +
- Спасти человека от физической гибели -+
- Познакомиться с человеком по интернету и встретиться с ним в реале +
- Влюбиться по сети интернет +
- Путешествовать автостопом -
- Съесть целый лимон без сахара +
- Имитировать любовь к кому-либо +
- Зарабатывать деньги, занимаясь самодеятельностью на улице -
- Сделать неприличное предложение другу -
- Не спать более трех дней подряд -
- Побывать в отделении милиции - (почти)
- Искупаться в фонтане - (я тогда отмазался)
- От избытка чувств обнять человека +
- Убегать от огромной собаки _ (от гуся)
- Вырастить кактус +
- Купить мр3 плеер +
- Завести двух кошек -
- Гулять во вьюгу +
- Выиграть в гляделки +
- Потерять друга +
Познакомиться и подружиться с человеком, родившимся в тот же день, что и я -
- Гулять без зонта под дождём +
- Гулять в одиночестве +
- Погладить тигра +
- Полюбить закат +
- Пробыть в одиночестве несколько дней +
- Напиться +
- Разбить окно -
- Оскорбить человека +
- Кататься на роликах весь день +
- Прыгнуть с парашютом -
- Пришить свой палец к кофте -
- Упасть в глубокую яму -(в болото)
- Сильно испугаться +
- Подарить что-то ценное кому-нибудь +
- Проболтать по телефону несколько часов +
- Разлюбить +
- Заблудиться в лесу -
- Спать в палатке +
- Проехать на поезде семь суток -
- Полетать на самолёте +
- Разбить посуду +
- Быть в хорошем настроении днём 1 января +
- Убить комара, напившегося крови +
- Подержать в ладонях живую бабочку +
- Уснуть под любимую музыку +
- Съесть картошку, запеченную в костре +
- Провести весь день на солнце +
- Искать на звездном небе яркие звёзды и созвездия +
- Забыть о чём-то очень важном +
- Переписываться sms-ками полночи +
- Потратить последний инет на чтение дневников +
- Спеть караоке +
- Съесть в одиночку шоколадку +
- Целый день читать +
- Улыбнуться сквозь слёзы +
- Пять раз посмотреть от начала до конца один фильм +
- Сказать человеку в глаза, что "пора прекратить общение" -
- До боли хлопать в ладоши +
- Танцевать до изнеможения -
- Бросить курить -
- Поцеловать фотографию +
- Построить замок из песка +
- Не спать ночью во время грозы +
- Возненавидеть себя, а потом полюбить снова -+
- Заметить в фильме глупую ошибку +
- Залезть на дерево +
- Полюбить то, что больше всего ненавидел +
- Кардинально изменить свою жизнь -
- Найти любимую профессию -
- Выиграть в споре +
- Объесться до тошноты клубникой +
- Включить на очень большую громкость музыку и слушать с наслаждением +
- Плакать три часа подряд +
- Ни с кем не разговаривать сутки из-за обиды +
- Сорвать крапиву голыми руками +
- Петь песню без музыки +
- Петь хором на сцене +
- Выступить сольно на сцене перед огромным количеством людей -
- Сфотографировать животное +
- Испечь торт +
- Сфотографировать небо +
- Биться об стену -
- Слушать полный бред от другого человека +
- Сходить на чей-нибудь концерт +(ЫЫыыЫыыЫ)
- Весь день просидеть за компом +
- Пытаться покончить с собой -
- Порезаться бумагой +
- Получить болевой шок -
- Пытаться плавать там, где тебе по колено +
- Получить в подарок красивую фарфоровую куклу -
- Упасть с лестницы +
- Найти что-то новое для себя +
- Надеть праздничный смокинг -
- Прочитать большую книгу за несколько часов +
- Перемыть гору посуды +
- Найти в себе силы жить +
- Рассказать тайну про себя +
- Просидеть в комнате, не включая свет, до самой темноты +
- Заснуть в обнимку с мягкой игрушкой +
- Поговорить по телефону с совершенно незнакомым человеком +
- Раствориться в музыке, забыв про всё +
- Пообщаться с иностранцем +

.fever.

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