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15:20 

spoiled brain
finally,finally,finally.greeny bastard is free from all these secrets,intrigues and hatred.no more hiding.i can be..just myself...[unbelievable feeling]
new life's begun and greeny is happy.at least for now.

10:38 

spoiled brain
weird,but there're more and more ppl i hate with every day.
maybe it's smth wrong with me,maybe otherwise,but i really do not like them.honestly,i hate only one girl,but i doooon't like the others very much.why do they irritate me?how it could've happened that ppl who were very good friends of mine are so disgusting to me right now?
i look through their diaries,though i can't see them,and even their avatars irritate me.gah,what a psycho you are,greeny.
and the more i look back in the past the more these ppl are disgusting to me.but,damn,that's not right.it coldn't be.they were my friends[oh,really?].all i need is just forget what they'd done to me as they've forgotten me.
i.c.a.n.n.o.t.d.o.i.t.
fuckdamn,relax,gb.all's gonna be fine[it still hurts].
i'm talking to myself?aaaahhh*runs away and hides under the table in the kitchen*

22:59 

spoiled brain
new post?huh.nothing to write here.
nothing at all.
i thought i had a best friend-she is not right now.
i thought i had someone to love.nobody to love now.
i thought it's better to say goodbye.but no goodbyes this time.
i thought ppl keep their promises.i was wrong.
i thought i was happy.and that's the only tuth from all that.
uhhh.what a life?
i have the best friend i could ever wish to have.but what?she's livivng in about 2000km from here.
i have ppl supporting me all the time.but i'm drunk for two days.
alcohol+medicament=amazing feeling of feelin' no pain at all.
[you're so positive,greeny.goddamnyou]


@музыка: MCR_Cancer

22:14 

spoiled brain

i wish
i wish
i wish it was all that easy.


i wish you were here.
i wish ppl even sometimes tried to understand me instead of asking stupid and useless questions.
i wish i never knew some ppl.
i wish i'd never done those things i regret i had.
i wish i could bring you back.
i wish i could remember you forever if you will not back.
i wih i knew what i really need in.
i wish i knew how to love.

i wish
i wish
i wish it was all that easy..


23:42 

spoiled brain

okaaaay.now what?
i was circling poi today.under the rain.yaay,will repeat it in summer.for sure.
i am probably the biggest loser ever,but who cares?
i wanna meet with kat.i wanna meet with kat.i wanna meet with kaaat.
and i want sushi.
and i'm bored outta my mind.
and tomorrow could have been 1 year since we're together.
and i have nothing to write here also.
bored.fucked up.tired.missing
*yawns*need to sleep.honestly need to sleep.

[it's fucking spring.but you're not here with me.and i don't wanna love anyone else.wonderful,isn't?]


21:46 

spoiled brain
it was 1 year ago.
my little happy life.
all i want is just you here,with me,still being a part of my life...no..a part of me.
i love you.
i said i love you and i swear i still do.
no matter how many times i told you that before.
it is still so.

probably you don't care anymore.uh.
[hope,greeny,just hope]

22:10 

spoiled brain

Believe the news Im gone for good.

Call off the search. No one will know I am down here

And believe the note I left for you.

You cant turn back the clocks


You cant pull me up from here so dont try.

 

Im in a car underwater with time to kill

Thinking back I forgot to tell you this:

I didnt care that you left and abandoned me.

What hurts more is I would still die for you

Im in a car underwater with time to kill

Thinking back I forgot to tell you this:

I didnt care that you left and abandoned me.

What hurts more is I would still die for you.

 


Make time slower. Give me longer

Its too late for me

No one will know that Im down here

And believe your dreams of me sinking so far below.


You cant pull me up from here so dont try

 

Im in a car underwater with time to kill

Thinking back I forgot to tell you this:

I didnt care that you left and abandoned me

What hurts more is I would still die for you

Im in a car underwater with time to kill

Thinking back I forgot to tell you this:

I didnt care that you left and abandoned me

What hurts more is I would still die for you
(c)Armor For Sleep 'Car Underwater'


23:01 

spoiled brain

YOU'RE BACK?..


16:43 

spoiled brain

.bitch.
how dare you?how dare you remind it everywhere and to everybody?
whore,it's fucking personal relations!!!!!!!!!
if you want somebody to pity you-go ahead,but don't tell it to everybody.
who the fuck gave you the possability to call me by my last name only?
how dare you to say that it was all my fault and you are just so kind and innocent?
how dare you to say it?
like it wasn't your fault.like you don't remember that you've ruined this friendship,because you were so blind and egoistic.
like you don't remember that you were lying to me.
but now you only pity yourself.saying that i broke your life,that you can't trust ppl after what i've done with you.
but who got hurt on me when i said that i can't come every fucking week to another edge of the city?
because yes!i am fucking busy instead of you!i have affairs while you don't have it at all,because you're 2 years younger,you have no idea yet what it's like to finish the school and passing exams in your future university!
goddamn,i have family!i can't spend all my life with you.
who never cared what's been happening to me?never asked about it,but only made me listening to you and pity you?
who couldn't come to my district?how many times you were there?two?three?
hell yeah,that's the heroism.
i don't regret these relations are over now.
i just don't understand 1 thing:why do you ask if i still care how you're doing there,bitches,when you said that you're removing me from your life?why didn't you forget me yet and remind this situation all the time and to everybody?
i didn't want to hate you.i just wanted to 'remove you from my life' as you're saying.but this shit has fucked me up finally.damn you.

you don't know that i have people i honestly need in.
you were one of them.but not now.
i don't care.you can think whatever you want.
that i never needed you,that i don't need anybody,that i'm an egoist or dunno what friendship is.
but if you don't feel this to yourself that doesn't mean that it's truth.it only means that i don't feel it to you.
because ppl i feel it to know about it


16:59 

spoiled brain
Что я успел сделать. Ставлю плюсеги
- Предать человека +
- Украсть что-либо +
- Подружиться с человеком, которого вы прежде считали идиотом +
- Напиться до состояния беспамятства -(я почему-то всегда все помню.)
- Сказать "люблю" неискренне +
- Плакать от счастья +
- Забыть на мгновенье имя лучшего друга (подруги) +
- Прокатиться на лошади самостоятельно -
- Взять в долг очень крупную сумму -
- Захотеть умереть +
- Полюбить человека больше всего на свете +
- Гулять ночью по лесу одному -
- Завязать галстук на шее молодого человека -
- Почувствовать себя абсолютно неадекватным +
- Поносить ругательными словами (про себя) кого-то из родственников +
- Продать свое тело за деньги -
- Ударить незнакомого человека -
- Подделать чью-либо подпись +
- Потерять чужую вещь +
- Спасти человека от физической гибели -+
- Познакомиться с человеком по интернету и встретиться с ним в реале +
- Влюбиться по сети интернет +
- Путешествовать автостопом -
- Съесть целый лимон без сахара +
- Имитировать любовь к кому-либо +
- Зарабатывать деньги, занимаясь самодеятельностью на улице -
- Сделать неприличное предложение другу -
- Не спать более трех дней подряд -
- Побывать в отделении милиции - (почти)
- Искупаться в фонтане - (я тогда отмазался)
- От избытка чувств обнять человека +
- Убегать от огромной собаки _ (от гуся)
- Вырастить кактус +
- Купить мр3 плеер +
- Завести двух кошек -
- Гулять во вьюгу +
- Выиграть в гляделки +
- Потерять друга +
Познакомиться и подружиться с человеком, родившимся в тот же день, что и я -
- Гулять без зонта под дождём +
- Гулять в одиночестве +
- Погладить тигра +
- Полюбить закат +
- Пробыть в одиночестве несколько дней +
- Напиться +
- Разбить окно -
- Оскорбить человека +
- Кататься на роликах весь день +
- Прыгнуть с парашютом -
- Пришить свой палец к кофте -
- Упасть в глубокую яму -(в болото)
- Сильно испугаться +
- Подарить что-то ценное кому-нибудь +
- Проболтать по телефону несколько часов +
- Разлюбить +
- Заблудиться в лесу -
- Спать в палатке +
- Проехать на поезде семь суток -
- Полетать на самолёте +
- Разбить посуду +
- Быть в хорошем настроении днём 1 января +
- Убить комара, напившегося крови +
- Подержать в ладонях живую бабочку +
- Уснуть под любимую музыку +
- Съесть картошку, запеченную в костре +
- Провести весь день на солнце +
- Искать на звездном небе яркие звёзды и созвездия +
- Забыть о чём-то очень важном +
- Переписываться sms-ками полночи +
- Потратить последний инет на чтение дневников +
- Спеть караоке +
- Съесть в одиночку шоколадку +
- Целый день читать +
- Улыбнуться сквозь слёзы +
- Пять раз посмотреть от начала до конца один фильм +
- Сказать человеку в глаза, что "пора прекратить общение" -
- До боли хлопать в ладоши +
- Танцевать до изнеможения -
- Бросить курить -
- Поцеловать фотографию +
- Построить замок из песка +
- Не спать ночью во время грозы +
- Возненавидеть себя, а потом полюбить снова -+
- Заметить в фильме глупую ошибку +
- Залезть на дерево +
- Полюбить то, что больше всего ненавидел +
- Кардинально изменить свою жизнь -
- Найти любимую профессию -
- Выиграть в споре +
- Объесться до тошноты клубникой +
- Включить на очень большую громкость музыку и слушать с наслаждением +
- Плакать три часа подряд +
- Ни с кем не разговаривать сутки из-за обиды +
- Сорвать крапиву голыми руками +
- Петь песню без музыки +
- Петь хором на сцене +
- Выступить сольно на сцене перед огромным количеством людей -
- Сфотографировать животное +
- Испечь торт +
- Сфотографировать небо +
- Биться об стену -
- Слушать полный бред от другого человека +
- Сходить на чей-нибудь концерт +(ЫЫыыЫыыЫ)
- Весь день просидеть за компом +
- Пытаться покончить с собой -
- Порезаться бумагой +
- Получить болевой шок -
- Пытаться плавать там, где тебе по колено +
- Получить в подарок красивую фарфоровую куклу -
- Упасть с лестницы +
- Найти что-то новое для себя +
- Надеть праздничный смокинг -
- Прочитать большую книгу за несколько часов +
- Перемыть гору посуды +
- Найти в себе силы жить +
- Рассказать тайну про себя +
- Просидеть в комнате, не включая свет, до самой темноты +
- Заснуть в обнимку с мягкой игрушкой +
- Поговорить по телефону с совершенно незнакомым человеком +
- Раствориться в музыке, забыв про всё +
- Пообщаться с иностранцем +

20:46 

spoiled brain
NOW WHAT?

...but i'm losing hope
give me one reason not to...

15:24 

spoiled brain

about the truth.

there are people who don't give a fuck at me.
there are people i don't give a fuck at.
there are people who i will not get hurt on for this.
but there are people killing me with their indiffrence.

weird that your best friend cares more than you.fuck.
again?i will not take it.i can't hold on anymore


22:41 

spoiled brain
wwhy the hell we'd back everything?what for?
to quarrel again because i couldn't come to see you?
i guess i was wrong when i said i missed you.

scary to know you're changing a person.
very scary.
what if i start act like...you?

do something with me.
i miss you.
i thought you've become just a friend for me.my heart.finally.
wrong again.
i miss you.



'i'd rather feel pain than nothing at all'?

21:36 

spoiled brain
i didn't forget about this diary.no way.

1 year and 2 months since yesterday.
but i haven't seen you for..a week?or more?
i am tired of saying i miss you.i know it.you know it,too.
i just don't understand if you ever missed me.if you ever loved me.
or all your love to me includes only fucking friendship.
when we both know we fucking want each other.when you cannot fight with your desire to...
when i know i need you.when you know that you will back anyway
and only hell knows why you come back all the time.
you need me?
i honestly do not know.
i only appreciate all these your first steps to me.
i only love when you come back to
ask me if i missed you.
when you come back after half an hour to hug me.
just to make me look at you
when you come back to promise to be my guardian angel.
to protect me from nightmares.

and i do not know what is next.
ijust know that i haven't enough words to discribe you.
and i haven't enough words to say who you are to me.to explain it even to myself

20:48 

spoiled brain
here is me crying with the sky
and here is you telling me i'm forgiven
here is me finally finding words to tell you the truth
and here is you asking me if it was sincerelly
here is me trying to sleep
trying not to shake
trying not to be afraid to talk to you
because here is you still hurt,not believing and cold


damn,i love you,m. a n y w a y

18:46 

spoiled brain

"just friends.just talks.
imagine.i know about your feelings but i don't want you to tell me about it anymore.
something is gone"

okay.it is painful to me,but i did that to stay with you.practically did this for you.
though i heard a lot of new things.at least new to me.
though it was all lies.
though you just tried to find a reason to leave me.
though you promised you would not.

"-don't you understand i don't want you to go?

- sorry,but yes,i don't understand."

what for reasons if you just don't love me anymore
what for if there is no place in your heart for me
what for driving me crazy with this shit...?
because yes,i am depressed all the time.yes,because of you
what for this all?you just don't understand i can't let you go
though i know...mm..i guess i became useless for you
just go,damn,just go
go away and let me die here alone

yes,baby,i am not flirting,not telling you i love you,i am just hurt
but fuckdamn,talk to me! you wanted it yourself! then talk!
but instead of talks i get only ignorance
w o n d e r f u l

the relations are wrong in some way

19:09 

spoiled brain
it is too simple,m

i just love you
you are just hurt on me again.

without any fucking reason.
because of damned authorization.unbelievable

13:46 

you mean more than the world may ever know

spoiled brain
third day without.
counting minutes.


yesterday i started to appreciate you even more than i did.
but i will never tell you why.
though you don't care where i am and with whom


-will you be with me?
pity you didn't hear my whisper in his ear - i love another one.so no.i'll never be with you.and by the way you're fucking drunk.

23:54 

spoiled brain

a week.
are you kidding me?
all i need is to hug you.just purr in your arms
shit.




21:36 

spoiled brain
it's fine?fine??finally?

after all the quarrels.
after you told me you love me,BUT not with this wide love
after you told me you love my friend.one of my best friends
after you asked me to help to stop loving her
after i tried and we all almost quarreled with each other
after you asked about forgiven.and almost broke my heart again
after i clued all the pieces together and gave it back to you

you have finally understood i love you?
you have finally understood i need you near?need your care?
that's why asking me to stay with you at nights?

but i still feel you love her.
yes,you do.you're jelous because she has chosen not you.
that's why asked me about those photoshoot.hah.
you know yourself this is the worst way to hurt me
but i will be fine.
i'll get used to be a friend you can fuck with

.fever.

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