i just wanted to write a letter to you.the problem is that you removed your e-mail box,left this one known to me icq number and there's no way i can get to you now.

listen,love,i don't know what to start with.maybe that the way you left was unfair,that you decided everything without even asking me.again.i should've got used already,but i simply cannot sit with no emotions on my face when everything i hear is "fuck it" and constant removing me from your contact-list,life.

love,i know how bad you feel about being such a terrible gossip,how horrible it is for you to realize that you've almost ruined such a heavenly marriage.but you know,they've decided to forgive you,they both have.i can almost feel she misses you.you're a part of a big-big family now.family forgives everything,no matter what or how.then i got a question for you...why won't you forgive me?i was cold,freaky,sarcastic,evil maybe.but i never,hear me?never i wanted to separate with you,never wanted to lurk,read your blog just to know what's going on with you.i don't want to be one of these stupid girls.

come back,sunshine,it's cold without you.i have to hug classmates,all these jerks just to not feel so alone,to get some warmth,though i can't get anything like what i got when you were with me.if you could feel how much i miss you,how much i want you back,how much it hurts to hear your voice...

honestly,i've thought i fallen out of love with you,thought i started to hate you,but the same very second you left i understood i am nothing,that i really do love you like i've never loved anyone else.

i've written all that to you already,it never mattered thought.

come back.please.

Mikey?

---

9 th time.

i'm hurt.

but want you back.

so fucking much

---

i honestly understand nothing

heart hurts.really physically hurts.

it's getting more and more easy to wait for you for 2,3 weeks

and you seem to love me again

---

better not to care about you at all.

the more i do,the more we spoil everything

---

everytime my heart almost forgets you,you come back and win it again.
i just wonder how you feel the time between 'okay,now i really miss you' and 'time to forget him,baby' so good?
something's changed in you again,not really much,but enough for you to say words you were not going to say,to crave for me and to be ready to follow me everywhere and do whatever i'd want you to do.

'take your ass and come here finally.i need you to care about me.i know you can like no one else'

'i had nobody because of you'(c)

---

and what the heck is going on again?

---

shh.just let me say that
i miss you,miracle.

---

'you need to fall in love,srsly.but untill this superhero steals your heart your life's gonna be a torture.and this all because of him.think about it'

yea,sis,i know.and i also know you don't want me to fall in love with russian guys

'did you find yourself in trash?come on girl'

that's why i'm asking you to talk to guys,to ask them to buy me a fucking ticket,or this sweet bunnies can come here
yes,and mike,too.
at least we all will figure out what it is,what it was and what it can be

i called him by the name?
oops

---

oh.my.fucking.god.
a month since we talked last time,but yeah,whatever,sunny
i bet you can sit on your pretty ass longer
you need to come here for the New Year
you have no choice.
i mean,please..pwease?

---

so after loooong-looong 'negotiations' i brought my lovely sister back.
but you.
i don't know when you lost any desire to talk to us both.
you even didn't want to know what had happened then.
ridiculous.

---

no it's really over.
i will always love you both

---

five times.
'i love you'
then gone
again.
i think it's already okay.
i'm fine.only miss you endlessly.

---

okay.
i'm fine.

---

running my life in circles

no,look,lovely...you are WEIRD!

-do you love him?
-i do
-does he love you?
-do i know?
-he will not tell?
-do i know?
i don't understand that guy.first we are friends,then he tells me he loves me,then we are friends again,then we fucking quarrel,then he leaves,then comes back telling me he loves,then we are friends again,then he loves me,then we quarrel because i'm not who he needs,then he leaves,then he hates me,then he comes back and tells smth like:
- i did it to keep in touch with you

and still.i feel how much you love her.how you are trying to do something,anything with this,how you are hiding that from anyone.and from yourself,too.because you know-she will never be yours.never.i know her too well.she will be around,will keep in touch,because loves you in some way,but never yours.
listen,i would put her shoes on if i could,i would make her love you as much as you do love her,if i just could.and if it could make you happy for the rest of your life for sure.i would,i swear.

"love me,love me,love me,love me,love me,love me,love me,i will be whoever you want
use me
change me
i can become tiny,with big tits and wonderful hair
tear me apart
turn into whatever you want
just love me." (c) Invisible Monsters

---

fucking....!!!
that was very sarcastic of you,dammed bastard
i got the main idea,thank you.

---

and she realizes-everything she lives for is you...

she never knew

that everything he would leave for her would be
hatred,
open wounds,
broken heart,
shaking hands
and misery.


it is really easier to forgive him for humiliating her behind her back,for almost raping her,for not keeping promises and breaking her heart with everything he'd said
than to forget him

she couldn't hold a cup of coffee today.
and if it would have been a little more quiet,everyone could probably hear her not_breathing loudly
and fuck knows why she hates him almost as much as she loves him
and fuck knows how she would live without_
and fuck knows how,but she has to give him this ring
whatever it takes she will.

-what for you need him?
-i don't know,it's feeling
-i know,but what exactly for?
-fuck,i just can't breathe,can't think,cannot_,cannot_,fucking cannot_,isn't weird?

-maybe let's forget him?we both?
-you think you can?
-yep.but you?
-i will not
.-but why not?he humiliated you,he almost hated you
-would you forget C_ if he asks you?
-no...dammit,i've got it

something tells me that eventually the girl will become you.
anyway,you asked about changes,didn't you?

burn,burn,burn,burn,black phoenix,burn.
it would be easier soon,i promise it would be
but don't try to fight with a feeling.

---

calm down,molly
and get the pieces of your broken heart together again.
for him.

---

shit,if you just had an idea what you make me go through.
if you just knew how much i...
damndamndammn

---

i'd never let you go

bullshit,huh?i got your letters,m?
that will never be enough
even if you promised to care about me whole your life
you're the weirdest person i know.i ever knew.
that is one of the reasons i will always love you
you're still a miracle.
a little bit cold
little bit indifferent
little bit angry
little bit depressed

i fucking know you too well.
pretender.
and i know you're so much afraid to make ppl feel and understand what you really mean when say smth.

---

about contradictions

if she turns around and tries to leave--run for her
if she pushes you away--hold her tightly
if she's quiet--ask her what's wrong
if she cries--don't even dare to leave her
if she puts her head on your shoulder--hug her
if she looks into your eyes--don't turn away
if she says it's over--she wants you to be by her side
if she says she wants you to be happy no matter what--she means it
if she says she almost hates you--she loves you