she never knew

that everything he would leave for her would be
hatred,
open wounds,
broken heart,
shaking hands
and misery.


it is really easier to forgive him for humiliating her behind her back,for almost raping her,for not keeping promises and breaking her heart with everything he'd said
than to forget him

she couldn't hold a cup of coffee today.
and if it would have been a little more quiet,everyone could probably hear her not_breathing loudly
and fuck knows why she hates him almost as much as she loves him
and fuck knows how she would live without_
and fuck knows how,but she has to give him this ring
whatever it takes she will.

-what for you need him?
-i don't know,it's feeling
-i know,but what exactly for?
-fuck,i just can't breathe,can't think,cannot_,cannot_,fucking cannot_,isn't weird?

-maybe let's forget him?we both?
-you think you can?
-yep.but you?
-i will not
.-but why not?he humiliated you,he almost hated you
-would you forget C_ if he asks you?
-no...dammit,i've got it

something tells me that eventually the girl will become you.
anyway,you asked about changes,didn't you?

burn,burn,burn,burn,black phoenix,burn.
it would be easier soon,i promise it would be
but don't try to fight with a feeling.